Social media. Goodness do I have a love/hate relationship
with it. I love the freedom it gives me to keep in contact with people. But on
the other hand I hate the freedom it gives others to keep in contact with me…
I’ve always been a “to myself person”. I have a lot of rules
about Facebook for myself. One of those being to try and never post more then
once per day (sometimes I let it slide to two if there is a decent amount of
time in-between). I don’t believe
in the “see more” button, because honestly if I have more to say then what can
be said in two lines, it doesn’t belong on Facebook
But one of my biggest hates about Facebook, is like I said
before, the freedom of it. I love the freedom of being able to share “what’s on
my mind” but I hate the freedom of other people putting in their two cents
about “what’s on my mind.”
I have a big fear of posting things sometimes because of
what other’s think. Especially lately. To say things have been peachy is well,
as far from the truth as heaven is from hell. There has been a lot of suffering
and a lot of anger in my heart. Even writing that is hard.
It’s hard to get on here week after week and pour my heart
out for the entire World Wide Web to read.
This week is just as difficult. There are days when I get on
facebook or talk to people from home and just get fed up. It’s hard for me to
not become overly upset with people when they talk about spending all this
money on this or how they can’t afford the newest of this. When on a daily
basis I am reminded of just how little that means. 2 months ago I struggled the
most with this. I struggled with angerness towards friends at home as they told
me of there late nights out dancing, while I sat at a funeral for a women who
I’m uncertain really accepted just how much she was loved and cherished by God.
I watched her dead cold body be prayed over and people beg for her to be
allowed into heaven while at that same time some of the closest people in my
life spent their time dancing and having “the time of their life.”
I struggle everyday walking past beggers saying, “you, you,
forengee, forengee, give me birr”. I see the hurt, I see the pain, I see the
hopelessness. But I’ve learned how to get out of that anger. I’ve learned to
let this view of suffering change my heart. I’ve learned to let God refine me;
to melt me down to my core and let myself be purified in His image. I’ve
learned to find a joy, a joy in seeing God’s hand at work, a joy that can only
be found in suffering.
Through each week I’m able to open up and pour my heart out
of my weaknesses, because in those, God is most glorified. I’m able to share my
stories and hope and pray that it changes someone’s heart to let theirs be
broken for what breaks God’s heart. That my stories and my weaknesses can
impact their lives far more then me standing on a soapbox condemning them for
what I believe is wrong. There’s a
reason God tells us three things remain: faith, hope and love. There’s a reason
the greatest is love.
There is love in suffering and I’m sad it took me 25 years
and going halfway around the world to realize it. But I can say more then ever
I am thankful for a God who gives me the freedom and the time to figure out
that the suffering cup is overflowing with love, hope and faith.
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