God's Hot Mess

It's been almost one month since I've opened up and poured out my soul for the world wide web to read-okay that was a tad on the dramatic side and I blame it on the amounts of gossip girl I've been watching. (**judge all you want on that one**)

But I feel like not a whole lot has changed in the last month. I mean other than the obvious- I got a job and I feel like a mother with a newborn.

Let me pause to introduce Abby. The little "princess" that I seem to love and hate multiple times a day.

She turns 10 weeks old today and for the last 3 weeks I have seen more poop, pee and said "no" more times then I'd like to count.

But she's a smarty. She sleeps through the night (as of 2 days ago) and has already learned how to sit, shake, lay down, "leave it"and what cookie means.

I'm proud of her and love her to death.

Okay, I promise that was it.

for now...

I've started working. 

I love it. 

I get paid to craft and well, if you know me, you know that I couldn't have found a better job.

I love the people I work with and the people I get to help be creative with.

I've been reading a lot and just started a new book.

I'm only about 40 pages in. But so far she's had me laughing and saying "amen!"

(never a bad start)

I had 4 friends come down and visit last weekend.

Gosh did I need it.

I needed the dancing, disneyland, laughing, "hey girl/boy"ing, not kayaking, picture taking and just all around fellowshiping.

I'll admit, I cried when they left. I've realized how much I've missed having close relationships down here. It's so easy to get caught up in day to day life and not realize how much you need community. It's easy for me to go to church on Sundays alone and just slip in, then slip out.

I didn't realize how absolutely terrified I am to go meet people till I felt that void when they left.

I'm not scared I'll be "lonely" forever. I'm just realizing I can't push that fear to the back of my head and yet let it consume my every move.

I can't be sad that I'm not meeting people because I haven't really prayed that I will. (thank you Brian for that reminder...)

I have great friends. I have a great life. 

God has provided abundantly more then I could imagine at the exact times I've needed it.

I may not be on the same mission field as I was in Ethiopia, but I'm on a mission to find God here and now. 

I'm on a mission to be a woman of God (not a Godly woman). 

If I'm going to be a hot mess, it'll be God's hot mess radiating His glory.