26

Well, I have realized I totally suck at this whole blogging everyday thing.

It's just not me.
I do have a few more songs I want to post about, but in the meantime I'd like to take a minute to share some other thoughts with you.

I have now been alive for 26 years, 2 days, 4 hours and 8 minutes...or something like that.
For those of you who aren't aware, Saturday was my birthday. I'll be honest, I wasn't excited about it what so ever.

I mean seriously. I live in a new city, 7 hours from my best friends, sister and brother. I know NO one, except for my parents and their dog (and now Abby). I have just moved back from living in a third world country for 6 months and still have days I just really don't want to do life.

My days consist of waking up at 630am to this precious face

getting ready for work(if I work that day), catching up on blog posts and finding a new craft project to do. I go to bed at 9 o'clock every night, then just repeat the next day.

I mean I was NOT excited about my birthday what so ever. Actually if I'm being honest, I was angry.

Angry that I live down here now. Angry that I still feel on some days like an alien. Angry that I'm here in the States when my heart is so clearly in Ethiopia and then at the same time angry that I love it here at home and don't want to go back to Ethiopia. Angry that I can't celebrate my birthday with my friends and angry that I don't even know where to go eat for my birthday dinner because I don't really know of any good restaurants around here. Angry that I find it so hard to get to know anyone because when I say I just moved here, and they ask from where, I say Ethiopia and then that's all they want to talk about. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love talking about it. But I don't want to just be defined as that girl that just came back from Ethiopia. 

But as I woke up on the morning of my birthday, I felt like God gave me a swift kick in the you-know-what. I woke up and had two parents who got ready and took me to breakfast at a place with gluten-free pancakes. Then went and spent the morning waiting for me to try on jeans and clothes that they were going to spend way too much money on. All while making dinner reservations at a restaurant on the beach where I got to watch God's majestic-artistic-hand at work with a gorgeous sunset ( and a glass of good red wine). 

I had my two of my best friends send me things in the mail and remind me of just how blessed I am with friendship and the USPS.

I had beautiful flowers (one of my favorite things) sent to me in one of my favorite colors. :)

I was quick to feel God stand there and say, "You want to be angry. YOU want to be angry. Try this and this and oh, I don't know, how about this. Look what I made for you, Amber Hook. Look what I have given you. All because I love you. I created you in your mothers womb perfectly 26 years ago. I picked this day, December 15th for you to be born-even though your grandpa so desperately wanted you to be born on his birthday. You were born to shine my glory and my provision. Anger doesn't shine that, it covers it."

I ended Saturday in tears because it wasn't the birthday I wanted. It was the birthday I needed. I needed that reminder once more of how absolutely BLESSED I am and what exactly I am made for. 

I love that God sees me in my weakness and in my faults and despite my anger still pours out continual blessings upon me.