Complete transparency moment- I'm a sucker for romance. Romantic movies, romantic gestures, romantic stories, you name it.
I will admit, it's gotten me into trouble sometimes. Whether it be, getting sucked into a romantic book and putting off things just to finish one more chapter. Deciding not to give a guy a chance because he is so far off the chart on what it means to be chivalrous. Or falling in love with the romantic stories of people meeting in high school and being married for 50+ years and reminded, once again, I'm 25 and no one has liked it and put a ring on it yet.
But I think the greatest romantic thing I've suckered myself into was, being a missionary. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't think God called me here or that I made a mistake. All I'm saying is I, like so many others, fell into the trap of romanticizing foreign missions. I had this dream that I would always be surrounded with children following me everywhere. I would have moments that people would be crying and thanking me for helping change their lives or that I would be able to walk into a person's home, pray over them and watch them rise like Lazarus-and yes I am aware I'm not God.
I had all these visions of what it would be like to be on the mission field in another country and be "fighting" the battle. Many of you may be laughing at this point and saying, "girl, I could have told you that wasn't going to happen." But I think if you dug down deep, you'd realize, you too envision Mother Teresa type moments when you think of a missionary.
You don't realize the behind the scenes moments. The moments of dropping 3 sizes in 3 months due to a very limited diet. The moments of tears running down your face when you throw up for 8 hours straight or the moments of complete and overwhelming loneliness. The moments when you realize you are face to face with the devil himself and don't even know it till he's stripped clean and left you to rot.
I have experienced all of these moments. I have also lost all romance for missions but in losing that romance, I have found a romance in a God who played out the most romantic story I could ever read. A man who loved SO deeply he didn't just say he would give everything for the one he loved, he did.
I've found a God who fought and fights the battle on a white horse right next to me and who looks at me and simply says, "You are treasured. You are sacred. You are loved and You are MINE."
I will admit, it's gotten me into trouble sometimes. Whether it be, getting sucked into a romantic book and putting off things just to finish one more chapter. Deciding not to give a guy a chance because he is so far off the chart on what it means to be chivalrous. Or falling in love with the romantic stories of people meeting in high school and being married for 50+ years and reminded, once again, I'm 25 and no one has liked it and put a ring on it yet.
But I think the greatest romantic thing I've suckered myself into was, being a missionary. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't think God called me here or that I made a mistake. All I'm saying is I, like so many others, fell into the trap of romanticizing foreign missions. I had this dream that I would always be surrounded with children following me everywhere. I would have moments that people would be crying and thanking me for helping change their lives or that I would be able to walk into a person's home, pray over them and watch them rise like Lazarus-and yes I am aware I'm not God.
I had all these visions of what it would be like to be on the mission field in another country and be "fighting" the battle. Many of you may be laughing at this point and saying, "girl, I could have told you that wasn't going to happen." But I think if you dug down deep, you'd realize, you too envision Mother Teresa type moments when you think of a missionary.
You don't realize the behind the scenes moments. The moments of dropping 3 sizes in 3 months due to a very limited diet. The moments of tears running down your face when you throw up for 8 hours straight or the moments of complete and overwhelming loneliness. The moments when you realize you are face to face with the devil himself and don't even know it till he's stripped clean and left you to rot.
I have experienced all of these moments. I have also lost all romance for missions but in losing that romance, I have found a romance in a God who played out the most romantic story I could ever read. A man who loved SO deeply he didn't just say he would give everything for the one he loved, he did.
I've found a God who fought and fights the battle on a white horse right next to me and who looks at me and simply says, "You are treasured. You are sacred. You are loved and You are MINE."
Amen, Amber!
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