Shoes and Bugs

It's funny how each day passes I have a new emotion about leaving.

Yesterday I couldn't take the smile off my face. This morning...different story. I woke up at 5:30am for no reason-well what I think is no reason. As I laid there I simply tried to clear my mind (despite the many words I wanted to say out loud due to the frustration of being wide awake while it was clearly still dark outside). As I laid there fear began to creep over me.

Along this journey I have learned that it is a daily battle for me to follow the will of Christ. This morning was definitely a battle. I began to think about my bed (for those of you who do not know, my bed may possibly be my favorite place). I started to think about how much I will miss it. I've decided for me to fully go on this walk with Christ, I need to get rid of most of my belongings. I don't want things holding me back and making it easier and easier for me to come up with a reason to come home before my year is over. I'm taking the Elijah approach-without the whole burning everything stuff.

As I had my mini pity party this morning I started to think about this blog I read yesterday and quickly my mood changed. I could summarize it for you, but reading it does it far more justice. I don't know the writer, but I know she helped me remember why I'm doing what I'm doing. God called me and he will equip me for this journey. I just need to let him.

Here is the link for the blog. Please read it. **forewarning- you may need some kleenex**
http://bringlove.in/a-night-on-the-streets-of-addis-ababa/

I'm Not Able On My Own

It's funny how the pure sound of only the crickets outside and the spinning of the overhead fan can rip a girl to pieces and allow the purest of tears to fall.

Sitting at my kitchen table writing up transformation love profiles (the profiles you get when you sponsor a child that has all the information about them to help you fall in love) I can't help but start to tear up.

I've seen first hand what these children look like and live in. I've held their hands, despite what gooeyness may be there. I've embraced a woman, who just moments before was digging in trash, then with all her heart plants a kiss on my cheek.  

My tears don't fall because I am broken for them. They fall because I am broken for myself. These women and children struggle daily, no... hourly, to live and get by. Yet all they want is to be loved. 

There is that saying, all you need is love. For a long time I didn't believe it to be true. Really, all I need is a job, food, clothing, and shelter. Yet when I take a step back, I see how broken those things have made me. I find myself realizing those things are so worldly.

What I need is something unworldly. I need a love so extreme that Lady GaGa looks normal. I need a love that I am fearful of, because it's something I can not grasp. I am not able to do this on my own. I do not have the power, the skills or the means to accomplish what God can do.

More and more I am seeing why God told me to wait till March to go to Ethiopia. He is molding and shaping my heart to be able. These women are the most strong and courageous women. They battle and fight against what they are told they are not able to do. I'm excited as each day approaches for me to leave, because that brings me closer and closer to experiencing these children and these women's stories. It's bringing me closer and closer to helping them see that with the right "equipment", they are able too.

To Be Your Hands and Feet

Many people have asked questions of what I will be doing while in Africa.

I am a firm believer that actions speak more than words. And since not every one of you can travel with me to Ethiopia to experience and see what I can, I thought I would share a video of the ministry I will mainly be working with. 

http://vimeo.com/14257492