Dearly Loved

I've never been one to categorize myself as your A-Typical girl. I like sports (and understand what's going on. thank you very much!). I could care less if I broke a nail. The color pink often makes me sick (especially on sports jerseys). The Notebook is NOT my favorite movie and I don't think Brad Pitt is the hottest man alive. Matt Damon or Jake Gyllenhaal on the other hand... 

But the A-Typical quality that I've seemed to "pick" up is this incessant crying, mainly in my car. Many times in the last year and a half I have found myself touching up my make-up after getting into a semi-spiritual moment and becoming so overwhelmed I have no other option then to just let the river of tears flow. 

This Saturday and Sunday was one of those times. This weekend I took my fear of the stage and faced it to share with the congregation what I will be doing while in Ethiopia. I wish I could say I smashed my fear like I use to smash the moles in whack-a-mole, but unfortunately I feel I only smashed it like a 3 year-old flatening their play-doh. By the third service only my knees were shaking...progress right?

Well after the service I had a table set up where I could talk more with people and if they felt called to help me with support funds they could. I went into this weekend needing just over $6510. My budget was set at $18,600 for the year (if only I could make that happen here in San Jose!) and now I'm just one short-term mission's trip away of completing my goal.  As of today-I'm only in need of $3150. In a mere 18 hours I raised $3360 and possibly have 2 kids sponsored! Can my tears be justified now? 

As I drove home from all three services I couldn't help but be so overwhelmed as I thought about this song called Dearly Loved by Jimmy Needham. It's become a very big favorite of mine. If you have a chance listen to it. **don't be scared by the intro. I promise it is not a phony-lullaby-drag-down-drop-out-kind of song.** It became so powerful to me driving home thinking about all the people who have no idea how dearly loved they are by such an amazing God. And how much it's worth it to know our maker and lose our sins. I love my church family and their hearts and willingness to extend the hands and feet of EVC half-way around the world. I love they that they are so passionate to transform hearts in love and support those called to do things that they may not be able to do.

Things I'll Miss

Thursday I bought my ticket to leave. Along with the ticket came a flood of tears. I'm not talking just the rise of a river flood. I'm talking a flood of epic proportions like this.

Okay-slightly dramatic I know. But it's how I felt. This doesn't mean I think I'm making a mistake; actually I have complete peace in my decision. It just stirred up a lot of emotions and got me thinking about all the things I'm going to miss.

During my run this morning, I found myself listing off things that I'm really going to miss and thought I'd share my top 10 with you.

1. My bed. It is honestly my favorite place in the whole entire world. The worst part is I'm selling it and I know I will never get it back.

2. This little princess:

I have had the absolute privilege of being a part of her life for the last 3 years. She has two amazing parents who have nurtured and poured into her. She is so smart and adorable. I am going to miss my Friday/Random night "dates" playing princesses and having tea parties. I will miss laying on the floor singing disney princess songs-which I'll admit she has had to teach me some of the words to. I will miss her asking me to give her "princess" hair and rocking her to sleep. And most of all I will miss her hilarious OCD habits-a girl after my own heart!






3. Sharks Hockey/Sports in general
Going 2 days with out hockey is torture enough. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to go a full year. I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it.

4. My Family
Yes, I have Skype and FaceTime and yes, I have had the last couple months to cope with not being around them all the time. But to know it's not just a quick plane flight out there to see them puts a rock in my stomach.





5. My Friends
For fear of hurting anyone's feelings-I'm generalizing this. I have been so blessed with the people in my life. Each one has taught me a little thing about myself and helped me grow into the person I am. I love being able to have friends that spend the first few hours of the new year praying that it be holy and pleasing to Christ. I love the random dinner and bonfire nights consumed in fellowship. I love sitting down and taking jokes too far and being able to sit reflect on "God moments".

6. My Coworkers/Job
Last night I spent a whole night bowling and laughing a ton with my coworkers. I am so blessed with the job I have and the people that I have the privilege of serving together with. I am going to miss putting on events with Juli and having pictures like this taken because of my extreme attention to detail.






7. Netflix. Enough said.

8. Gym/Hiking- I'm really going to miss being able to leave work and go down the hill to the gym. Also my days off of waking up and deciding to go for a hike. I'm going to miss my mornings of plugging in my worship mix and hiking in the hills of San Jose and being able to spend some time basking in the beauty that God has created.

9. Music/Fast "Waifai"
I'm going to miss being able to download music in a minute or less.





10. My Car
It's kind of funny that this made my top 10 because I absolutely hate driving. But the idea of not really having the freedom to go where I want (free of the fear of being killed by crazy drivers) makes me a little sad.



There is a lot more things that I know I will miss. But right now those are top on my list. Like I said before-even though I'm sad, I'm so ready and excited. My tears are tears of joy, fear, contentment, peace, and faith. God is walking beside me, not in front of or behind me. I know there will be days where I am given things I simply can't handle. But strangely enough those are the days I'm looking forward to the most. The days where I get to experience God in the fullest form and allow myself to fall at his feet.

Basics

It's the beginning of a new year. I've never been a person that makes new years resolutions. I don't make them because I have accepted the fact that in 3 months I'll be no where near the goal and end up being super disappointed in myself, which then results into a steady, spiraling downfall of picking out every little flaw and sitting in a pool of self pity.

But this year is different. As I laid in bed Sunday morning I began to look back at my journals for 2011. I started to compile a list of highs and lows. It went from betrayal to finding loyalty. From pain and depression to excitement and joy. I went from being a faithless, starving person to a person with extreme faith and hunger for Christ.

Instead of making a new year resolution, I've decided to make a new-day resolution. Each day I will make a resolution and decision for that day. Our walk with Christ is an everyday battle. A daily battle of picking up my cross and realizing that, just as John Piper said, "God created us for this: to live our lives in a way that makes him look more like the greatness and beauty and the infinite worth that he really is. This is what it means to be created in the image of God."

As this new year begins I will getting back to the basics. Starting from the beginning daily. Remembering that I live each day to glorify him and expose his beauty.