Cute as a button

I know it's been awhile since I've posted a blog.

Frankly, I've just been busy and a little overwhelmed with the amount of things I want to write about. Mostly because I'm afraid they'd come out extremely passive aggressive; down fall of post-missionary lifestyle. It's crazy how you can spend 6 months loving on strangers halfway around the world, but have the hardest time being understanding and compassionate to those who are in your immediate life.

Which is why I've decided to change up my blog for today and post about something I'm grateful for. I feel the more things I acknowledge gratitude for the more I work on being understanding and compassionate.

One of the things I've realized I'm most grateful for lately is for the ability to craft. Yes craft. I love it. I have always loved art, I have always loved being creative and most of all I've always loved using my stubbornness to make things for less.

I've been working on trying to make my room... "home". I moved down with my parents to a new city when I got back and it was a hard adjustment, still is actually. So I've tried to make my room over and a place that I can go and just have some "me and God" time.
I found this really adorable headboard that I absolutely loved...but really didn't love the price. (even though it's now $100 less then when I first found it)

So I set out to make it for less. 

I followed this tutorial from little green notebook and loved it!

This was my end result:

I ended up spending only $75... take that world market!

Here's a couple step by steps if you want to take a look!

I loved making all these buttons-even if my thumb was killing me after. They're surprisingly easier to make then I thought too.

I just bought 1/8 of a yard of each fabric at joanns and have a ton left over. 

 This was my bed before:

All the supplies to get started!

I got my foam at Joanns as well (make sure to take a coupon with you-it'll save you a ton of money)

They'll cut it to the length you want right there at the store.

Had to figure out all the measurement for the amount of buttons I wanted to add and marked it off with chalk.

PS-in case you haven't noticed yet, I used pegboard instead of plywood. no drilling holes and about half the price! $15 at lowes-can't beat that! especially if it's a little damaged like mine, I got half off. Plus they'll cut it right there in the store to the appropriate dimensions and you get to take the rest home for whatever else you want to use it for. I really had to try and not look like a rookie while I was there and actually ended up having an awesome conversation with a guy about how God used me while I was in Ethiopia. Love those kinds of moments!

 Then took a permanent marker and marked all the holes to make the tufting easier

I forgot to take a picture but I actually cut out these little holes with a paring knife so that the buttons sunk down in and made the tufting look even better!

 Then you get to glue! (make sure you take it outside and lay your board on newspaper, otherwise you'll have little glue dots on your concrete)

 Lay out your batting and fabric on the front-it doesn't have to be pulled tight or wrinkle free.

 Indy wanted in on the action.

 Then add your button and pull as tight as you can, then staple all different ways to keep it nice and tight

this is what the back will end up looking like

Then pull tight starting in the middle and staple out making sure to do the sides last.

I bought 2 legs to help stand up my headboard instead of keeping the full sheet of pegboard intact. 

I drilled two holes for the screws.

 then wrapped the legs in extra fabric I had to "camouflage" them

 Add the legs and there you go!

I'm absolutely in love with it. 4.5hours of pain and sweat was well worth it.

Proposal

This blog was started and written to allow people to join me on a journey. A journey of watching God use a simple girl like me, to be a part of His work.

I believe that each day, hour, minute, second he is using me to be a part of His work.
I believe that each thought I have and each belief I conclude, is a part of who he made me to be and part of the book he has written for me.

I believe I was made solely to glorify God and simply put-that's how I will live my life.

I feel that in order to glorify Christ though, I can't live my life just settling. I refuse to settle for mundane because I believe I have a relationship with God so deep, so amazing, so head over heels incredible that even the slightest thing (although it could never reach that level of intimacy) has to always measure up to "more".

I've realized something about our society and generation. We settle.
Too many young adults are content with just sitting on the couch playing video games, working minimum wage jobs, hoping to lose weight but never getting up to do anything about it, saying they want to feel God yet never spend time with him or with his people, say they wish they could travel but never save the money to actually do it.
We settle.
Too many young men settle with living in a bachelor house spending money on new cars or new toys and never saving to actually support a family one day.
And yet, too many young women settle for these men. They never hold out and they are content with just the minimum.

I read this story yesterday and it brought me to tears. I'm proud of this girl for investing her time in a guy who is willing to remember all the little details and things that she cherishes the most.  I'm proud of this guy for taking a simple proposal but making it more than that. Making it a day that he gets to show her how much he loves her and how much he is willing to invest in a future with her.

http://www.susanlinesphotography.com/2012/09/21/megan-john-a-virginia-proposal/

I'm not saying this is a poster for how every proposal should be. But I am saying this is an example of how we should live our lives. Not settling. Going big or going home (yes, I just quoted Donald Trump-bad hair and all, he's right). Instead of glorifying what others do and "wishing" we could do the same-we need to do it!

There is a song on the All Sons and Daughters new EP called, Called Me Higher. The lyrics go like this:

I could just sit, I could just sit and wait for all your goodness
hope to feel your presence
I could just stay, I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel you
hope to feel something again


But you have called me higher you have called deeper
and I'll go where you will lead me Lord, where you lead me


I could hold on, I could hold on to who I am and never let you change me from the inside
I could be safe, I could be safe here in your arms and never leave home,
never let these walls down

But you have called me higher you have called deeper
and I'll go where you will lead me Lord, where you lead me


As I listen to this song over and over-yes it's quickly made it's way to my top 10 most played songs, I am constantly reminded that this needs to be my prayer. Lord, I could just sit and be content with where I am in my relationship with you, but you have called me(us) to something much higher and much deeper. I've learned each day I have to say, Lord I will go where you lead me.
It may not be easy, but I've realized we will never be content with where we are and we should never be. Now don't get me wrong, I realize some people are in a state of brokenness and a need to realize where they are and be content in it, but that's not where they are supposed to stay.

There is more. So much more. Don't settle for a boring proposal because there is a man who has planned out an entire scavenger hunt for you just to prove how much he loves you and wants a deep long lasting, forever life with you.
He's kind of awesome.

Naomi and Ruth

She looks down at her weathered old hands and gently glances around the room. She sees the reminders of what was once was her life. She looks in the corner at her bed. That bed with a sinking hole that her stubborn husband refused to fix because it fit how he slept, but now he's gone and the hole still remains. She looks over at the front door and imagines the time she spent yelling at her two sons running in and out and getting into mischief. In the course of 30 seconds she thinks about them growing up and getting married. Realizing the joy of those marriages and the hopes and promises of future grand-children. Now they're gone too.

As she scans the room she realizes it's time to start over. She begins to pack her things, along with her now widowed daughter-in-laws. She begins the journey and as she looks to her right and left she sees youth and new beginnings. She slowly weeps and turns to the girls. She begs them to start over. To turn around and go back. She blesses them with new life and new futures. She can't give them what they should have. They weep together and as one starts the journey back, the other clings to her arm.

As she looks into her beautiful daughter-in-laws eyes, she listens to the words come out of her mouth, "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people and your God will be my God."

Ruth 1:6-22 NLT

... As I read these words this morning, I sat just thinking about the amazing friendship God built up in the lives of Naomi and Ruth. Through struggles and emptiness and weeping, there was a bond that formed. A bond of not only family, but of this everlasting-I'll-fight-for-you type of friendship. 

I've realized that through my struggles in Ethiopia and being back in the states I have formed two Naomi/Ruth friendships. Friendships that I am so beyond thankful for.

The first is my friend, Tamara:

This woman has been such an amazing mentor for me. In the times and days where I just didn't think I could take another step she encouraged me to keep looking forward and to keep my eyes focused on God. Not to live "culturally" but biblically. To be a strong woman but to do it with compassion and understanding. To stand up for what I believe and not what my opinion was. In the days that I was completely scared I would break down and verbally vomit on people, she was the one who told me it was okay. I know it hasn't been easy for her and God clearly put her in my life to help me take the steps she's already taken. 

The second is my friend, Brittany:

I swear we were meant to be friends. Any time I talk to her, I just laugh because we don't even have to explain a thing. She's such a strong woman and inspires me so much to keep pushing for what I'm passionate about and feel called to, no matter how many people tell me I can't/shouldn't do it or how hard it is at times. She's just turned into one of those people you know you'll be friends with for the rest of your life and don't understand why it took going halfway around the world to meet, but you're so glad you did.

Both of these women have become my "go to" people. They're the people that I can call on the lowest of days and they help bring me back to a place of relying fully on Christ. Of remembering to lean on Him and not on me. They are two women who just get it. They are the ones who understand and cheer with you when you tell them you drove a car for the first time, or finally went into a grocery store and didn't cry because you were overwhelmed with all the choices. They are the ones who understand that in the middle of a church service you are "that" person bawling your eyes out because of simple lyrics like-All the weak find their strength at the sound of your great name. 

They are the women that are in the same boat with me. They are two women who will fight to keep me in line with Christ and will "go" where I go, and "live" where I live. Who are just like Peter and took the first step out into that water. Who have shown me at times when we get a little frightened and begin to sink, to reach out and feel that warm strong grasp of Jesus and learn what it feels like to have faith. They have helped to teach me to keep going because in the end it is going to be so worth it. 

Proud to be an American?

Things about being home.

1. I miss this. Like a lot.

2. I'm beyond exhausted. From the day I landed to today, I have been busy all day-like ALL DAY! I mean I love that it's helped me with jet lag, I haven't had any issues and I love how absolutely blessed I am with the people in my life wanting to spend time with me. But I'm just exhausted. 

3. I thought I'd finally be over illnesses, but well that's just not the case. I have this super attractive river of mucus flowing from my nose constantly, hacking cough and super sexy man voice. I've also realized I've reached a new low when I get excited to try out a new flavor of NyQuil. 

4. The first day I drove I had to stop the car in the middle of the street  because I got lost. I just put my head on the steering wheel and cried. I feel like a complete stranger to this country some days.

5. I'm starting to hate my phone. Again, super blessed by the people in my life, but I realize even more than ever just how much technology controls people's lives and how it teaches them to have no social interaction what so ever.

6. My disdain for heat became ever more apparent now that I've realized I haven't been in weather over 75 degrees in about a year. I wish I was back getting stuck in daily thunderstorms and wearing sweaters and scarves.

7. A small part of me feels guilty, because even though I miss Ethiopia SO much, I'm so happy to be home. I've missed my friends and family, A LOT! 

I've realized that being back home isn't about whether my heart is here or my heart is there. It's about still experiencing God and letting him lead my life. I'm learning to be content in every circumstance. I'm learning to wake up each day and thank God for the continuous blessings he's pouring out on me. For the ability to have a family who supports me and friends who let me verbal vomit on them when I need to. Just because I'm stateside doesn't mean I stop experiencing God and doing his work. Everyday is a lesson and everyday I'm able to still see God's hand at work.

Dream

8 hours. 8 hours of getting up about 5 times to be violently sick once again.

In the 6 months of me living in Ethiopia, I think I have spent about 4 of them sick. And now with only 7 days left in this country, I find myself dreaming all night of being back in a country where I don’t have to worry about getting a parasite or amoeba from everything.

I won’t have to worry about soaking my fruits and vegetables for 30 minutes in disinfectant before eating them.

I won’t have to run back to my house, after walking half a mile, to get toilet paper just in case I have to use the bathroom at the nearest restaurant. 

I won’t have to put in my headphones as I walk down the street to drown out the men yelling, “Hey! You! Need a husband?”-seemingly the only english phrase they know how to say. Or the little kids running after me saying “and birr or and dabo” (one birr or one bread).

I won’t have to feel guilty about not helping every single beggar that taps on my taxi window or follows me rattling the small amount of change in his hand.

I won’t have to wince as I watch the goats be dragged down the streets or as the dogs and vultures rip apart a dead donkey.

I won’t have to lay in a hard bed or get caught in the torrential down pours of rain, then walk back home to change because i have mud splatter all over me....

But yet, as I sit here and dream of all the things I won’t have to deal with, tears run down my face simply because I won’t have to deal with them.

I have 7 days left in this country and even as much as I dream of coming “home”, I realize I am home. And my last 7 days here are going to be so much harder then the 4 months I’ll be back in the states because this is where I want to be. This is where I’m supposed to be. 

To say I’m terrified about going back to the states, is a complete understatement. I’m scared I’m going to hate my friends and my family. I’m scared I’m going to cry everyday and have no one who knows what to do with me. I’m afraid I’m going to alienate myself from everyday life.

There is a mass amount of fears going on inside of me. I somewhat feel like Jonah. I feel like I know that I’m called to go back home but I feel like I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off and that I want to find the nearest harbor and jump on a boat and hide. I don’t want to leave because I’m just so scared.

But as my friend Tamara posted in her blog, I have to have hope and I have to hold on. I’m going to keep fighting and continue to remember that he never does leave me. He never will forsake me. 

He is here holding my hand tighter more now than ever before.

"If Only You Knew..."

She sat on the edge of her bed. Tears streaming down her face and looking at her sound asleep 1 year old son. She watched him sleep knowing he would wake up screaming for food she was not able to give him. She wrapped her arms around her 6-month pregnant belly. How was she going to bring another life into this world when she couldn’t even take care of and provide for the one she already had. As she watched the sun rise she looked up and made a decision that would change the rest of her life.

She got dressed and made the trek through the mud filled Koré area to the only place she knew she could get some help fast. She needed money but couldn’t explain what for. She knew she would be denied in a heartbeat if they knew the truth.

Turning the corner she replayed in her mind over and over and over again the story she would tell.

As she walked through those church doors she asked for the person she was told to ask for and made her way to his office. As she entered tears flowed like a waterfall from her eyes. She sat down and recited her perfected lie. As she sat weeping she felt the money being placed into her hand. She looked down and grasped on tight, letting the tears flow even greater.

As she stood up to leave the man asked if she would be willing to come to a bible study that was meeting right then. He would like to have the women pray over her and her unborn baby. She felt she had no other choice and solemnly walked in to the room filled with women.

She sat for 2 hours listening to these women who have absolutely nothing, cry out to this absent being. With shouts of “Yahweh! Holy is your name!” “And praise you oh Lord, the one who saves!” She watched as these women found strength and comfort in their cries. She watched their faith and became so enthralled.

She slowly got to her knees and let hands of unknown women be placed upon her. She began to weep and said over and over again in her mind, “if only you knew…”
*************
4 months go by and she finds herself in front of that same church. Only this time with a baby strapped to her back. A baby who shouldn’t be here. A baby who 4 months previous was carried in her mother’s womb into this very church to tell the lie to receive money to end her life.

Once more she slowly enters the room filled with women and gets on her knees. She begins to weep only this time it’s tear of joy, tears of thankfulness. For that day 4 months ago she received and embraced the gift of forgiveness and salvation and because of that day and these women, she now sits with her newborn baby, Mihert, meaning forgiveness and salvation.
**************
Today I sat looking at this drop dead gorgeous 4 year old, a girl who brings an amazing reminder to her mother each day of the gift of salvation and forgiveness. A girl who brought an amazing reminder to me of just how great a God we serve. How limitless he is and just how possible he is. A God who sees us and weeps when we weep and provides when we need provision. I know I shouldn’t be this amazed, but I love that I am. I love that I serve a God who continues to amaze me and who continues to bring me back to a place where I realize just how capable he is when we let him take the wheel. As I sat listening to her story I couldn’t help but think of all the people who have no idea the greatness of Christ. I found myself shaking my head and just saying, “if only you knew”

Beauty

They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and sometimes I sit and wonder what it looks like through the eyes of God. What he sees when he looks down at his creation. Just how overwhelmed, how in love he is with us, with his creations. The things he has spent so much time sculpting and molding. The clay he has formed and made perfect in his eyes. The gold he has melted down and refined to the core. 

Today, today I sat with 8 of the most amazing, most stunning creatures ever. I cried my eyes out as I looked at them. Dirty, smelly clothing; hair a mess or tied up with a scarf. Mud encrusted feet and black unmanicured hands. 

These women scream beauty in the 1 Peter sense. Their beauty is an over flowing cup. Their gentle quiet spirits are so absolutely precious in God's eyes and their faith in Him makes them so intoxicating to be around.

These women suffer to be women of Christ. To live as an example to their children to never give up and to continue to have a faith like no other. On the days/weeks they have no food and aren't sure how they'll pay house rent or how to pay for school, they don't cry out in anger to God, they cry out in thanksgiving and faith that he will provide. They are patient. They never complain or ask for themselves. They simply open up their hearts tell their story, but end it with a full heart of thanksgiving for what they do have.

Everyday I am encouraged and empowered by these HIV positive drop dead gorgeous women. These women who trust God and fall at his feet in thanksgiving, even when there seems to be no hope.

I want that beauty. With out a doubt I envy that beauty. A beauty not of this world, but of something so out of this world. I envy what God sees in us, but I pray that others may start to see that in me.