It's on like donkey kong

This may make absolutely no sense to you what so ever, but today it finally hit me:

I'm moving to Africa for a year.
I'm moving to Africa for a year?!?

Holy cow people. We're in single digits.
I've had a lot of people ask me how I'm feeling and if I'm ready.
My answer: no.
But I'm so excited to be in this place. It's an hourly battle in my head.
I constantly question if I should REALLY go. How easy would it be to stay here.
But then I take a deep breath and tell myself to stop being selfish.
I'm called to live a life of faith and faith does not make things easy, it makes them possible.
I have a relationship with a possible God and that in its self is worth experiencing.


For those of you who have asked for contact info while I'll be gone. Here you go (ps-I do love mail...)-although packages have a chance of not getting to me and cost as much as it does to fill up your gas tank.

My mailing address:
Amber Hook
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia
Nefas silk Lafto
Wereda: 02
2587

My Skype name: ambernhook
E-mail: ambernhook@gmail.com

Me&You

Yeshua,

Each new day I'm finding new ways to walk with you. 

Each day I'm finding that in my moments of fear and what seems like failure you are steadfast and walking in step with me.

In those moments of breakdowns and needing to pull over due to the loss of vision from tear filled eyes, you catch each fallen one and hold them so delicately in the palm of your hand.

As each day draws nearer to getting on that plane, I'm experiencing incredible blessings at an astronomical level.

The countdown has begun and it's just me and you. 

Me and you both against and for the world.

 And despite the sadness of saying my "goodbyes"

I can't wait to soak up every moment of this adventure.

Dearly Loved

I've never been one to categorize myself as your A-Typical girl. I like sports (and understand what's going on. thank you very much!). I could care less if I broke a nail. The color pink often makes me sick (especially on sports jerseys). The Notebook is NOT my favorite movie and I don't think Brad Pitt is the hottest man alive. Matt Damon or Jake Gyllenhaal on the other hand... 

But the A-Typical quality that I've seemed to "pick" up is this incessant crying, mainly in my car. Many times in the last year and a half I have found myself touching up my make-up after getting into a semi-spiritual moment and becoming so overwhelmed I have no other option then to just let the river of tears flow. 

This Saturday and Sunday was one of those times. This weekend I took my fear of the stage and faced it to share with the congregation what I will be doing while in Ethiopia. I wish I could say I smashed my fear like I use to smash the moles in whack-a-mole, but unfortunately I feel I only smashed it like a 3 year-old flatening their play-doh. By the third service only my knees were shaking...progress right?

Well after the service I had a table set up where I could talk more with people and if they felt called to help me with support funds they could. I went into this weekend needing just over $6510. My budget was set at $18,600 for the year (if only I could make that happen here in San Jose!) and now I'm just one short-term mission's trip away of completing my goal.  As of today-I'm only in need of $3150. In a mere 18 hours I raised $3360 and possibly have 2 kids sponsored! Can my tears be justified now? 

As I drove home from all three services I couldn't help but be so overwhelmed as I thought about this song called Dearly Loved by Jimmy Needham. It's become a very big favorite of mine. If you have a chance listen to it. **don't be scared by the intro. I promise it is not a phony-lullaby-drag-down-drop-out-kind of song.** It became so powerful to me driving home thinking about all the people who have no idea how dearly loved they are by such an amazing God. And how much it's worth it to know our maker and lose our sins. I love my church family and their hearts and willingness to extend the hands and feet of EVC half-way around the world. I love they that they are so passionate to transform hearts in love and support those called to do things that they may not be able to do.

Things I'll Miss

Thursday I bought my ticket to leave. Along with the ticket came a flood of tears. I'm not talking just the rise of a river flood. I'm talking a flood of epic proportions like this.

Okay-slightly dramatic I know. But it's how I felt. This doesn't mean I think I'm making a mistake; actually I have complete peace in my decision. It just stirred up a lot of emotions and got me thinking about all the things I'm going to miss.

During my run this morning, I found myself listing off things that I'm really going to miss and thought I'd share my top 10 with you.

1. My bed. It is honestly my favorite place in the whole entire world. The worst part is I'm selling it and I know I will never get it back.

2. This little princess:

I have had the absolute privilege of being a part of her life for the last 3 years. She has two amazing parents who have nurtured and poured into her. She is so smart and adorable. I am going to miss my Friday/Random night "dates" playing princesses and having tea parties. I will miss laying on the floor singing disney princess songs-which I'll admit she has had to teach me some of the words to. I will miss her asking me to give her "princess" hair and rocking her to sleep. And most of all I will miss her hilarious OCD habits-a girl after my own heart!






3. Sharks Hockey/Sports in general
Going 2 days with out hockey is torture enough. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to go a full year. I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it.

4. My Family
Yes, I have Skype and FaceTime and yes, I have had the last couple months to cope with not being around them all the time. But to know it's not just a quick plane flight out there to see them puts a rock in my stomach.





5. My Friends
For fear of hurting anyone's feelings-I'm generalizing this. I have been so blessed with the people in my life. Each one has taught me a little thing about myself and helped me grow into the person I am. I love being able to have friends that spend the first few hours of the new year praying that it be holy and pleasing to Christ. I love the random dinner and bonfire nights consumed in fellowship. I love sitting down and taking jokes too far and being able to sit reflect on "God moments".

6. My Coworkers/Job
Last night I spent a whole night bowling and laughing a ton with my coworkers. I am so blessed with the job I have and the people that I have the privilege of serving together with. I am going to miss putting on events with Juli and having pictures like this taken because of my extreme attention to detail.






7. Netflix. Enough said.

8. Gym/Hiking- I'm really going to miss being able to leave work and go down the hill to the gym. Also my days off of waking up and deciding to go for a hike. I'm going to miss my mornings of plugging in my worship mix and hiking in the hills of San Jose and being able to spend some time basking in the beauty that God has created.

9. Music/Fast "Waifai"
I'm going to miss being able to download music in a minute or less.





10. My Car
It's kind of funny that this made my top 10 because I absolutely hate driving. But the idea of not really having the freedom to go where I want (free of the fear of being killed by crazy drivers) makes me a little sad.



There is a lot more things that I know I will miss. But right now those are top on my list. Like I said before-even though I'm sad, I'm so ready and excited. My tears are tears of joy, fear, contentment, peace, and faith. God is walking beside me, not in front of or behind me. I know there will be days where I am given things I simply can't handle. But strangely enough those are the days I'm looking forward to the most. The days where I get to experience God in the fullest form and allow myself to fall at his feet.

Basics

It's the beginning of a new year. I've never been a person that makes new years resolutions. I don't make them because I have accepted the fact that in 3 months I'll be no where near the goal and end up being super disappointed in myself, which then results into a steady, spiraling downfall of picking out every little flaw and sitting in a pool of self pity.

But this year is different. As I laid in bed Sunday morning I began to look back at my journals for 2011. I started to compile a list of highs and lows. It went from betrayal to finding loyalty. From pain and depression to excitement and joy. I went from being a faithless, starving person to a person with extreme faith and hunger for Christ.

Instead of making a new year resolution, I've decided to make a new-day resolution. Each day I will make a resolution and decision for that day. Our walk with Christ is an everyday battle. A daily battle of picking up my cross and realizing that, just as John Piper said, "God created us for this: to live our lives in a way that makes him look more like the greatness and beauty and the infinite worth that he really is. This is what it means to be created in the image of God."

As this new year begins I will getting back to the basics. Starting from the beginning daily. Remembering that I live each day to glorify him and expose his beauty.

Apollo 13

I randomly decided to watch Apollo 13 this afternoon. It's been a long time since I've watched this movie and I sort of forgot how much I love it.

There is a scene in the movie when Tom Hanks character imagines himself landing on the moon. As he hops down he bends down and runs his hands in the sand. His face completely lights up and there is pure contentment.

Sometimes I think that's how it's going to be when I get back to Ethiopia. There is the longing and joy inside of me right now and I can not wait to be there. I can not wait to come off the plane and see all the faces of the people I love and miss deeply-I may not run out and put my hands in the sand, but I know that my face will light up just how Tom's does in the movie.

God has been shaping and molding my heart a lot lately. I've been reminded so much of how blessed I am with the relationships in my life. I have such amazing friends and family who support me so much. Even through certain situations in the last 2 weeks [such as finding out that I am not completely funded in monthly support] I have found each step to be exciting and joyous.

I may not be going to the moon or be an astronaut, but I know that while I go on this journey; I'll have a whole room of people supporting me and helping me through hard situations.

Blessings

I love inside jokes and that awkward feeling you give people when they have no clue what you and the other person are laughing uncontrollably about. 

My family has an inside joke that stems from my Grandma. She likes to end every conversation with "goodbye, my blessing" or "love you, blessing". We like to poke fun of that whenever we are around each other-and because you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's not that funny to you. But it's hilarious to us. Lately I've found myself becoming my Grandma. Blessing has somehow wedged it's cheesy little face into my top 10 words used. 

Throughout this journey I have found myself having days where I am in complete and udder fear of what next year will look like and other days where I'm ready to jump on a plane at that moment. Yesterday was neither of those. Yesterday was a day where I could hardly contain my Hover Damn of tears and eventually had to release them. Yesterday was a day where all I could do was sit in my car and cry out to God in thankfulness for his limitless blessings he has poured out on me. 

As of yesterday I have officially become fully funded in monthly support. (I still have just over $6,000 to raise before I leave). 

You may sit there and say-yeah yeah yeah, big deal. But here's the kicker. I have yet to send out a support letter. I have it written and saved on my computer but I haven't printed a single one out. I have simply just sat down with people and shared my story and shared how God is working. 

Last night I went to a young adults/college group with my roommate. At the end of the message the pastor said, "Jesus is not the reason for this season, you are." It took a minute for me to fully grasp that concept. But now that I have-I couldn't agree more. Jesus came for us. To bless us. 

I love this "season" of my life. Both literally and theologically. And I am so glad I am the reason for this season-God is truly my blessing.